53 Signs You Might Be a Powerlifter
1) You have to sit down and rest after changing plates on the bar. Nothing screams GPP like adding and removing plates from the bar.
2) You consider the walking to and from your car to the gym as cardio and adjust your diet to fit this exerting form of exercise. Going catabolic from doing too much cardio is dangerous and could result in a lower total; don’t do it.
3) You know what day it is by what lift you are training. When people ask you what day it is and you reply with squat day, don’t be surprised if they are not amused. Being able to recall what day it is from what you are training is handy because you never have the “Mondays”.
4) You practice perfect squat form when sitting down or standing up. I have tight hips along with the flexibility of a 2×4. If this sounds like you, don’t risk it all on a bad descent onto the toilet. This is a bad way to go.
5) When you consider sex as “deadlift lockout practice.” Kill two birds with one stone here; multitasking is great since you only have a few seconds before you have to move onto something else.
6) You need to lean against the wall to apply deodorant. If you have to utilize structures to do daily activities such as applying deodorant or scratching your back, you are on the right track.
7) You have a butcher on-call. If knowing you have access to all of the protein you need on speed dial helps you rest at night, you may be a powerlifter. Remember, rest and recovery is the most important factor of training.
You know you’re a powerlifter if…you actually compete.
8) You travel out of town to hit a buffet. All of the local buffets have banned you because their profit margins have dropped by 8% and you are close to putting them out of business.
9) You spend more time taking care of your beard than you do your hair. Maintaining a luxurious beard like Clint Darden requires much care and patience; don’t waste your time trying to brush your hair.
10) You wear shoes you don’t have to tie. Sure, shoes you do not have to tie are comfortable, but do you really want to tell people it’s because you can’t reach your shoes to tie them?
11) You hook grip your groceries. If you’ve never used a hook grip while carrying groceries, then you can thank me for the tip. One trip to the house or you don’t even lift.
12) You go to the grocery store and buy meat and toilet paper only. This doesn’t need much of an explanation here…
13) You ‘ve pooped yourself while squatting. It may not be the best day ever, but it will happen.
14) You can only eat chicken breasts that are covered in mayo or bacon. Mmm, bacon.
15) You have a container of white powder that you need to label as chalk just in case you get pulled over. When you are jacked up on your pre-workout and get pulled over speeding, you don’t have time for the K9 to come out to your car to check what this white substance you have is. Take it from me, label your chalk.
16) When bloodshot eyes means a great workout and not a night of drinking and debauchery.
Just play along when someone asks if you had a fun night out…they won’t understand.
17) You train abs but are still fat. Having functional strength and a bigger total is more important than having a 6 pack.
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18) You attribute a failed lift to the excessive walking you did in the grocery store. When you’ve been unable to sleep at night from a missed lift, you’ve looked at your programming and diet but you have concluded that walking to get that pack of bacon was just too much for you to handle.
19) You put bacon on everything. Fats are anabolic, kids.
20) You have a hard time adding up the change in your pocket, but you can instantly calculate what is on a bar. Who needs math when you can count in multiples of plates?
21) You consider walking, yard work and house cleaning as GPP. Don’t lose your gains because you had to take out the trash.
22) You get fast food on the way to a family dinner to make sure you get full. No one has time to be hungry after eating at a restaurant, get yourself a couple McDoubles so you can keep those McGains.
23) You go inside to order at a fast food joint because it’s easier to hand them your list instead of reading it out loud to them. Don’t miss out on calories because you forgot the last thing on your list.
24) You realize that in the event of a fire you can carry your whole family, gym bag, and meat in your freezer without coming close to your one rep squat max. Being prepared for the worst is important.
25) It is mentally painful to use high reps. Your heart rate and blood pressure starts to raise thinking about doing a set over 5.
26) You are fuscular. Fuscular is a term of endearment. Being one big walking ball of muscle wrapped in fat is as glorious as a bacon wrapped doughnut.
27) You have huge arms and small biceps. Not having enough time (or energy) to do arm work is a blessing in disguise; just think how big they would be if you did as many curls as the bros.
28) You get a headache and bloody nose from tying your shoes. Powerbelly or not, you have a hard time tying your shoes. Might I suggest shoes that do not tie?
29) You plan business trips around your training and known powerlifting gyms. It’s worth the hour drive one-way to the meeting you just flew out to so you can be close to a powerlifting gym.
30) Popped blood vessels and bloody shins are normal. If you keep an extra pair of socks in your gym bag or car because you can’t leave your scabs on your shins alone, you are my hero.
31) You consider the 220 weight class and below the little guys. Let’s face it, who cares about the Wilks formula when you can deadlift 700 pounds?
32) You have to carry two gym bags to fit all of your equipment. Keeping a few pairs of underwear and socks takes up a lot of room in your bag; along with the straps, chalk, protein, ammonia caps, bands, extra collars, super glue, hair spray, deodorant, squat shoes, deadlift shoes, bench shoes, grocery bags, wrist wraps, belt, knee wraps and knee sleeves.
33) You eat during your workout. Don’t let hunger get in the way of your training; always have prepared meals on hand.
34) You get a bicep cramp from holding your cell phone for more than a minute. It feels like you’ve popped a bicep, doesn’t it?
35) When you install a taller and stronger toilet to accommodate your squat day and your bulk. If your toilet makes you squat with a bigger ROM than you do in the gym, it has to go.
If your toilet makes you squat with a bigger ROM than you do in the gym, it has to go.
36) You can’t spell the word cat but you know how to spell all of the chemical compounds in your favorite supplements. Who has time to write complete sentences?
37) You have to check out where you are walking to make sure you can fit. No one has time to get stuck between a table and a wall.
38) When someone asks how much you squat and you respond with “I don’t know” because they won’t believe the truth. Adding “back in high school” makes it much more believable.
39) When you drop something on the ground and debate in your head whether it’s worth the risk to pick it up. If you have to think longer than 30 seconds about whether it’s worth picking up, you don’t need it anyways.
40) You skip cardio because you’re hungry. Just kidding, what’s cardio?
41) You actually compete…I mean competing in powerlifting is only part of the challenge.
42) When people ask if you are “a bodybuilder or something” and you reply with “or something.” It’s easier to shrug off the conversation than it is to explain it.
43) You struggled in basic math classes but you understand programming structures and percentages with any number. What good is being able to figure out how many apples I have left after Timmy took one if I don’t even eat apples?
44) You squat more than most people leg press. It only counts if you leave all of the plates on the bar when you are done.
45) You justify any food you eat as carbing up for the next workout. Why else would you eat a whole pizza and an order of family breadsticks?
46) When 3 whites means you had more in you. Yeah.
47) You can’t max out because there is not enough room on the bar for weights. Start finding women and small men (they are the same) to hang from the bar next.
48) The smell of ammonia makes you want to deadlift the closest car you see. If you have to use a hit of nose tork or a cap before sex, you receive bonus points.
49) The answer to a popped callus is super glue and some chalk. It stings for a few seconds but will work.
50) When people quit joking about how much you lift. This is pretty much self-explanatory.
51) When you have to use bands, duct tape, or multiple collar locks to keep the weights from sliding off. Bars bend and no one wants to lose a couple of wheels in the middle of a deadlift.
52) You keep plastic bags on hand. RAW people won’t get this at all.
53) You type RAW. What’s the difference between RAW and raw anyways?