50 Funny and True Gym Thoughts We All Have
For many of us the gym is our sanctuary. It’s where we go to clear our mind. It’s where we go to get sweaty and crush goals. Some of us would even call it a second home.
Some of you may be lucky enough to lift weights in your home gym. Just you, some classic rock, and 400 square feet of sweet iron ready to be lifted. You don’t have to worry about waiting for a squat rack to open up or wiping another person’s sweat off a machine.
A majority of us pay our $40/month to work out at a private gym or commercial gym. A larger gym usually means more equipment and more options to perform different exercises. It’s an inexpensive way to have access to a large variety of equipment.
But, you also become a part of the gym zoo. You’ve got the hyena laughing in the corner while she attempts to do box jumps. You’ve got the lion roaring in the squat rack with each rep to make sure every sees him and knows how much he’s lifting. And, you’ve got the kangaroo hopping around the entire gym shadow boxing with an imaginary opponent.
With larger gyms sometimes you aren’t able to focus on just you and the weights because you’re mesmerized by the array of the interesting people that fill up your gym. These sightings and the interactions we have with these people force us to ask interesting questions and have deep thoughts about why some people choose to work out in the manner that they do. Mostly, they remind us to never be ‘that guy’ or ‘that girl’ in the gym.
These 50 statements and questions are some of the things I find myself pondering when I’m soaking in the sights and sounds of the gym and I’m sure many of you can relate.
Wow, never seen anyone use that machine like that.
Welcome to the Zoo
1) You’re using all of these machines?
2) You’re using all of these dumbbells?
3) How many sets you got left?
4) Need a spot?
5) Was there a person or a drooling Saint Bernard on this stairmaster before me?
6) I don’t think that dude is wearing any underwear.
7) I don’t think that girl is wearing any underwear.
8) Jesus, when’s the last time he showered? Smells like a bowl of hot curry and sweat.
9) What supplements you take?
10) Protein fart by the water fountain? Come on man.
11) That personal trainer looks like he needs a personal trainer.
12) Wow, never seen anyone use that machine like that.
13) That’s not a squat.
14) That’s not a deadlift.
15) Why is there only one squat rack?
16) Why is he curling in the squat rack?
17) Is he lifting in Crocs?
18) Is he going to keep his backpack on the whole time he works out?
19) Is someone grunting or giving birth?
20) That’s definitely not how you should be using that machine.
21) Is she working out on that machine? Or using it as a chair to watch TV on her phone?
22) There are more exposed soft balls in this men’s locker room than the Patriots locker room.
23) Do you even lift?
24) Well, my friend who worked out once told me to do it like this.
25) Is that guy eating a bag of chips while riding the recumbent bike?
26) Is she putting that strap around her head?
27) I’ve seen half reps, even quarter reps, but I don’t think there’s a fraction small enough to describe those reps.
28) Is that guy still using a Walkman?
29) Is that guy here to lift? Or just for the TVs so he can watch Monday Night Football?
30) Who the hell requested all the TVs be changed to the Disney channel?
31) You really need to shadow box in the corner between each set?
32) Never seen anyone work out in a jean jacket before.
33) Is that guy wearing cowboy boots?
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34) I didn’t think it was possible to run that loud. Why is she stomping the treadmill with each step?
35) Alright, keep it cool. Hold back the tears. Nobody can know how much pain you are in after dropping that plate on your toe.
36) Excuse me. Yea I’m still using that. I literally walked away for 10 seconds. Damn gym vultures.
37) There are literally 30 treadmills open. You had to use the one right next to me?
38) I’m pretty sure this guy is just watching me and doing every exercise that I do.
39) That guy hasn’t lifted anything in the last 30 minutes. He just stands in front of that mirror talking to himself and psyching himself up for something. Clearly it’s not for lifting.
40) Is she stretching, doing jumping jacks, or dancing? I can’t tell.
41) Are you going to wipe that bench down? Or will I need to put on my biohazard suit and spray it down?
42) Do you have to stand and lift directly in front of the dumbbell rack?
43) She doesn’t move her arms at all when she runs. I don’t understand how that’s even possible?
44) There’s nowhere to do crunches because the 5:30 Zumba class just took over the entire gym.
45) Girlfriend taking lifting advice from boyfriend who’s lifted once. She’ll be injured in no time.
46) 6th day in a row I’ve seen that guy doing only chest and biceps.
47) For every one set she’s done she’s taken at least 13 selfies.
48) People still wear those toe-sock-condom-barefoot shoes?
49) Hey, nice job not re-racking your weight.
50) Hey Chuck Norris, can you practice your roundhouse kicks somewhere else and not directly next to me while I’m trying to lift?
Share Your Moments
I’m sure many of you have heard or said one of these statements to yourself at some point in your daily gym routine. One of you may even be the guy who deadlifts in cowboy boots and enjoys watching the Disney channel while they curl. If so, keep doing your thing.
I’m sure there are some that I’ve missed so please share some of your favorite gym moments in the comment section and, if you are going to be a part of the gym zoo, make sure you’re the one people refer to as a tiger. Be a #TigerInTheGym.